We encounter a variety of people who we think are toxic to us. This is because their spoken statements somehow make a psychological havoc. This is because our perspectives towards people aren’t helpful. We might or might not react to a particular situation but, deep down we know we cannot handle that anymore. People not necessarily intend to offend us but it is us who take everything seriously.
The thing is you cannot control everything, especially if it is about other people’s statements and behavior. There are those individuals who simply enjoy pissing others off. This is their favorite time pass. And still I say don’t go hyper because you are actually accomplishing their goal. If you react their motive is successful – To turn down your mood. Believe me once you stop taking their offense seriously you will no longer receive such kinds of signals, once and for all. There are times when people speak certain things depending on their moods and workloads. If you show your rage every now and then you will actually make things worse by keeping them off your sight. Do you enjoy being lonely? Now I don’t mean that you must always tolerate nonsensical behavior. Keeping things with you, will create issues for definite. Below are some tips to let everything go peacefully much as you can.
1. Expect less as you could – Expectations hurt. We always expect certain set of behavior from certain individuals. People are occupied with miscellaneous activities inside their head as well as in real life and they behave in accordance with it. If a person said Hi to you while you came across yesterday doesn’t mean that he/she will always do this the next day. He/she might not have noticed you are somewhat hesitant of speaking when you are seen with your bunch of (probably unknown to him/her) friends having fun hanging out.
2. Think rationally and ask some questions – You could ask to yourself were some statements worthy of your time and energy? Are those people extremely judgmental and make statements to spice up little things? Are they telling the truth about you? Do you believe that your image might get hurt?
You need to stay mature and think logically. Most statements told by people are for their own entertainment because they have nothing productive to do. They have the lowest IQ among all. As far as your image is concerned I believe to stay humble, polite and helpful. Your actions would speak louder than words and most people will sense that in no time. Those who are immature enough to misunderstand you all the time aren’t worthy.
3. Practice detachment – If you are attached to people around you, you are not doing yourself any favor. There are many out there who find opportunity to destroy you somehow through taking advantage of your trust. Since everyone is a human being and getting fond of someone is quite natural, it is difficult to remain detached for longer interval. What I say is don’t be too emotional or blindfolded that you end up fooling yourself. The world works this way – If someone is helping you from a difficult situation he/she isn’t selfless but subconsciously expects a favor in the future. There is hardly any person who is compassionate enough not to ask anything in return. I must not say that generous people do not exist at all but how would you detect them? It is better to protect yourself in the first place.
4. Accept the things as they are – People don’t change especially according to us. If you consider people as immature beings who blab every now and then whenever the right moment arrives, you won’t take them seriously anymore. And obviously their statements about you or your life would seem stupid with no factual based information.
5. Write down your feeling – Whatever you feel about any particular situation regarding your feelings deep down as well as others’ perspectives towards you at the end of the day. This must include every minute detail like who said what, how you reacted, what the result was, etc. Writing something on paper or computer plays a vital role in calming down the mind.
6. Take a deep breath for a few minutes a day – It relaxes the mind and hence a person doesn’t reach to anxiety and stress so frequently. You may also practice meditation twice or thrice a week for 10 minutes at least. This changes a person’s perception towards various things. The method will help in handling awkward situation since reacting angrily makes things worse. If you are in the habit of voluntarily react to nearly all sorts of situations you must count numbers in reverse direction till you feel relieved. Now make it a habit and apply it in most situations.
7. Search for more favorable and positive conclusions – Suppose you invite some people over and a few of them refuse to come, you automatically conclude that these people don’t enjoy your company. If someone doesn’t bring a gift on your birthday you make a conclusion that you deserved this and they ought to bring. If your parent speak something that reminds your past you get instantaneously angry because that past wasn’t fair to you. You will find and may have faced plenty of people who say something and your mind by default always redirects to unworthy and useless indirect meanings behind.
People not necessarily get bored in your company. They simply had a bad day or were not feeling well. Purchasing the gift could be forgotten and it is not a mistake even if done intentionally. Stop treating yourself special. Parents or a close friend care for you that is why give you advices, without thinking about the possible reactions from you. They simply don’t understand your viewpoint. Why do you choose to be angry always?
8. Reply patiently and gracefully – Never forget to smile. If possible clarify the person the meaning behind his sayings, like “Did you mean….”. He will definitely clarify more politely after all, who wants to spoil their own image!
9. Think about consequences before it’s too late – Sometimes we react really upon silly things. Ever thought about some incidence that wasn’t too much to take but you acted violently anyway? If you haven’t then either you are in the habit of patiently listening to everything and pissing off in your head; or you never had a deep understanding of daily based matters due to your own egotistical attitude, even if technically you acted really violently. Reacting with a rage parts people and destroys healthy relationships. So, have a brief thought – Is that really necessary to act in that way?
10. Talk to yourself saying positive words – There are plenty of people who often tend to criticize because their living standard and thought processes are significantly low. You must disallow yourself from believing these people because you might get trapped into their virtual thinking making you believe the stuff that isn’t real. Whenever you encounter such people say things like “I am worthy regardless of people’s opinions”, “I have never done wrong to anybody”, “I better focus on something that makes practical sense”, etc.
11. Create humor or change the topic – Creating humor could only be done if you are used to making practical jokes or are a stand-up comedian. Else you better direct the topic to something less bothering. This will give an idea to the offender that you aren’t interested in such craps. If he still drags you to the previous topic tell him strictly that you don’t like to talk about it so better stay away.
I think above points made are more than essential and quite sufficient to make you understand the situation and handle it with maturity the next time you feel like getting offended. If you think something is still missing, please mention that in the comment section below.