“Her eyes were filled with tears. She let it flow. She has been holding it for a long time now. And as she let the drops slid away, she hugged her mom tight close. She has done it…made a decision. For the first time in her 10 years of marriage, she has stood up for herself. It’s a mixed emotion altogether…sorrow, guilt, anger; pain…a cocktail of emotions that can even move a rigid heart…but not her husband.
It’s not easy, living with the pain. But she will move on…eventually! She has finally learnt to stand up for herself!”
Women, especially Indian women often lose their self-respect the moment they enter the “institution” called marriage. Touching elder’s feet, putting a dupatta on head as a symbol of respect, meeting demands from husband, nit-picking in-laws not to mention, the so-called society (filled with certain uncouth boors) who are the main culprits that corner a woman. They coldly push her over the edge so much that she loses the last straw of strength she has been holding on to – self-respect.
Be it a breakup, failed marriage, it’s the women that have been frowned upon. Heck, even the so-called “curse” called infertility is shovelled upon women who has to carry an even more spiteful name tag for the rest of her life.
Why is it so hard for women to stand up for themselves? In a country where even Goddess Sita had to undergo an agnipariksha, it is common for normal women to confront many barriers in life. While challenges are part of life, it actually takes more than courage and self-respect to stand up for themselves.
I have known women (my friends) who even at their professional areas are bullied and poked fun. At times, they find themselves in a helpless situation putting them emotionally lonely and depressed. While few look for another job, others stay and brood on karma gone wrong.
Challenges are a part of life. If it doesn’t fail you, it will certainly teach you.
Having self-esteem doesn’t always give you a happy relationship. However, it can certainly help you to determine what you want and deserve. It can help you find your true self. Owning self-respect and confidence gives you the courage to walk away if things don’t fall in place.
Here are nine things a confident woman would do differently when life gives them certain situations to deal with.
1. A confident woman will not fret too much.
People with high self-respect will believe that they are worthy of love. A woman with self-respect will not question a guy on how he feels about her. Confident women know they are capable and competent enough and the right person will definitely see this quality. They don’t hook themselves on what the guy thinks. And this is exactly why they don’t feel anxious and stressful when the guy is unclear about his true feelings. In fact, confident women simply assume that the guy likes them. This gives them the liberty to be present in the relationship without weighing themselves down with unnecessary doubts and fears.
“THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF WOMEN – GODDESSES AND DOORMATS!”
2. Incompatible relationship.
Confident and people who carry respect for themselves realize the fact that certain people are just not meant to be together. It is not always YOU! Two people can be incompatible. It doesn’t mean that you or the opposite person is at fault.
A woman with self-respect for her will understand if the guy does not want to be in a romantic relationship. She will simply move on with her self-respect intact.
Insecure women often feel guilty if a relationship goes wrong. They blame themselves and over analyze things. They might even replay each and every incident and hover upon what went wrong on their part. Subconsciously, they know it’s not their fault. However, at times, women find it hard to realize and hold on to the fact that they are not the problem to what went wrong in a relationship.
3. Set boundaries.
Healthy personal boundaries are necessary. By setting boundaries, you are prioritizing your needs and emotions. This does not make you selfish. This simply implies that you need to set time for your own priorities without allowing yourself to be pressurized into doing things you don’t want.
When you do not set a limit, you tend to go out of the boundary and bend too much for the opposite person. This will eventually lead to frustration and ultimately a massive blowup. Confident people will not abandon essential parts of themselves just for the sake of staying in a relationship.
“CONFIDENCE IS SILENT, INSECURITIES ARE LOUD”
4. Be firm in your decisions.
A confident woman will exude a power of self-control and self-respect. She has immense trust in herself while making a decision while taking it in her stand if things go wrong. Confident woman will not make conflicting decisions. She acts on how she feels and is quite comfy being herself.
People who have low self-esteem will not trust their judgment. They are constantly afraid of things going wrong and live in an autonomous state of fear and stress. They ask others to guide them in making a decision. Surely, this is not going to help in boosting their self-esteem.
5. No bragging.
A person who realizes their self-worth doesn’t go on bragging about it. You need not tell people how important you are. This can be quite off-putting as it comes from deep insecurity. Insecure people secretly feel that they are not worthy. They try to hide this by blowing their own horns.
A woman who reveals herself gradually is much more attractive than a woman puts all her cards upfront. Many women make the mistake of selling themselves to the guy right from the first date. While this may be inadvertent, it is a subconscious sign of hidden insecurity.
People who know their own worth don’t sell themselves; they date just to determine which guys are actually worthy of their time and affection.
6. Be responsible.
One of the powerful attributes of a confident person is to understand responsibility for their actions and emotions. They do not play blame-game on others or their partner if they are not happy in the relationship. They do not blame him of making them feel uncomfortable or being a “jerk”.
7. Stop being a victim.
They realize their responsibility. As a matter of fact, they will not stay around in a dormant relationship hoping that things might resolve magically. Neither would they blame their ex-partners. On the contrary, a confident woman will take up the responsibility for good and bad and use them as a stepping stone to become stronger.
8. Insecure feelings.
At times, a bad breakup can make a woman feel unloved. She will make herself believe that no one can love her, thus putting herself in a worse situation than before. Confident woman doesn’t do that. She knows that she is loved and equally lovable. Woman with self respect will not constantly look for a reminder from guy that she is amazing. She knows it.
If a person is insecure, she feels the need for an appreciation from her partner. The moment she does not receive, things can become resentful. While few women may create brouhaha over making them feel unloved, few will try and please their partner much harder to the extent of getting an appreciation. This steady craving is the so called neediness which is a relationship killer.
The fact is that if you don’t feel good about yourself, nothing your partner does will be happy for you. If you believe you are not worthy of love, no one (I say, no one) will be good enough for you. The end result is your partner will feel suffocated and walks away making the situation even more miserable to both of you.
“SELF RESPECT IS THE CORNERSTONE OF ALL VIRTUE!”
9. The No-brainers.
Women with self-respect can easily judge if someone is strong and can give them what they need in the relationship. A woman who stands up for herself will use both her brains and her heart while choosing a partner. She does not let her ego and emotions get in the way of making a decision if someone is compatible with her.
As they say, like attracts like. This means, a confident person will definitely find a confident person. A person who is insecure (unconsciously) will definitely look for relationship that will make them feel much more insecure. She will look for the unavailable guys or guys who are unwilling to commit. In short, such women will feel infatuated and run behind them. As a result, they will ignore even the good who share genuine liking and admiration towards women.
Inadvertently though, why such thing happens is because an insecure woman will feel that she might break through guy’s skin finally getting him to mend the ways. She thinks such instances will make her feel worthy and valuable. Sadly though, it never works. On the contrary, she pushes herself to the extent of compromising her worth by running behind relationships.
If you are demeaning yourself, chances are you are sending the same signals to attract a person who won’t value you either. Woman who respects and values herself will accept her wholly, the way she is. As a result, she will attract real partners that connect with her on a sincere and genuine level that will lead to a healthy and actual intimate relationship.
As the wise say, “If you don’t stand up for yourself, chances are no one else will”! So, when are you gonna start?