Sustaining into a relationship for long is no joke. It requires serious efforts to be in that. In most cases, everyone wants to settle in the end in order to meet their physical and spiritual desire. The term “spiritual” may sound cliché to many of you, yet it is interesting to know that people do crave it subconsciously. If you think that you have found someone who is of desired characteristics to proceed further, you should know how to maintain that spark for longer. I have come up with some great tips for successful relationship that worked (and still works!) for me, and I am sure it will in your case too.
Tips for Successful Relationship
Gestures, whether physical or verbal, initiate a lasting impact on an individual’s mind. Tell your partner that you love them. Hold their hand while walking; give them a hug for a few more seconds when they are upset. These small and apparently insignificant expressions will actually ensure that your partner will want to remain with you.
I couldn’t hug people in my early years, be it a family member or a friend. I obviously wanted it more, even though I didn’t show it externally. When I met my husband during graduation years and we started dating, he initiated hugging me. And guess what! Even after completing successful 12 years, we still do. An emotional person will never get bored of this, I assure you! Although we do keep it private as Public Display of Affection isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
Partnership and team work
I and my husband used to play basketball together against another team (of two people – his friend and my brother) just for fun in mornings about a decade ago. We could jointly make intense efforts and would win a lot of times. Soon I realized that we both make a great team, and that, regardless of the kind of areas we work in partnership, it would turn out to be fruitful. Twelve years past, my beliefs are well intact with more and more exploration in fields like finances, distributing household chores, you name it! If a couple does something together, they are destined to maintain their connection for longer.
Prioritize their Happiness
If other person’s happiness becomes your priority then it is easier to deal with any kind of trouble that surfaces. If you think only about yourself, it won’t last longer as (s)he will see through it. Although learn the difference between giving priority to each other versus only one person doing it and the other isn’t. Little things on which a couple invests has a long way to go, and the list is endless. For instance, buying something that they desired for too long, or cooking meals, cleaning when they are tired, and so on.
Give more, expect less
I am here talking about unrealistic set of expectations into which many people dive in. If you, say, bought an expensive gift for your loved one, do not expect that (s)he would return you the favor. There can be lots of reasons why one would or wouldn’t buy a certain thing. Although gift-giving is a good sign of affection, one should also take care of the boundaries. For instance, I admire something of sentimental value, whereas my husband is more into technology or something that turns out to be of good use. Yet, none of us thought about the money we ever spent for each other. If you are more into materialism, you should reconsider your bonding with the other party.
Divide household duties
Whether you believe in the institution of marriage or live-in concept, dividing household chores is equally crucial in case you currently reside with your partner under the same roof. This ensures that none of the parties is exhausted taking care of the entire dwelling, which further reinforces that belief that they actually care for each other. Most Indian houses are more into gender roles. This implies that women have to cook, clean, and take care of her children and/or elderly, whether or not she earns.
There are many incidences in which couples seem to show utter disinterest for each other because the wives are physically as well as mentally tired, and so, the proper bonding does not happen at all. If she cooks, you do the utensils. If she cleans, you take care of your children. You got the picture, didn’t you? Do not expect everything from her even if she is a full-time stay-at-home mother. She doesn’t have a weekend to relax!
Do not take everything for granted
The longer you intend to take things for granted, the more of a chance there is to destroy your terms with your spouse. The routine gets boring with time. So in order to make it interesting forever, it is better to always indulge in fun activities or anything that mentally stimulates you two. If you already know that you love each other, you still need to shower various kinds of non-verbal gestures, such as a note or a text message, or perhaps gifts on birthdays and anniversaries. Speaking of notable events, I would like to advise is, NEVER ever forget important events, else you are already halfway through the quarrel.
In a nutshell, if you love them, do not expect that you will not need to show it since your partner “already knows” it. Your partner is better off without guessing games. In fact, serious troubles may occur if you happen to communicate less and that turns out to be frequent.
Avoid financial conflicts
It is highly likely that one of the parties will earn more than their partner. Battles may also associate with finances if one person notices that his or her partner is irresponsible in terms of expenses and doesn’t make efforts to save money. The dispute may also occur if woman earns more than man and they happen to live in a patriarchal society, where men are constantly shamed if they earn less than a woman. It can go both ways – either man feels too insecure and that hurts his ego OR the woman herself thinks that her man is unworthy.
Regardless of what your bank balance is and how your current society wants to dictate you in a certain way, only mutual understanding would lead you to a successful relationship. If not, better terminate it now!
Though there are people who suck others’ money like leeches. Beware of them and end your terms if it is even there, since it will compromise your account as well as your mental well-being!
Be there for them
There are countless occasions when a person will want someone’s backing. These events can be like being jobless for a while, death of a loved one, financial crises, chronic illness; and also instances that include winning a lottery, getting promoted, substantial raise in the income, and so on. Being always present for someone strengthens the connection that they can treasure in their memories.
Appreciation and Criticism
Appreciation is vital. If you like something about your fellow, say it out load (metaphorically!). My husband once told me that he was impressed by my down-to-earth and secret-keeping attitude. A lot of times his statements would make great impact in my psyche because I wouldn’t recognize my own worth back then. Several years down the lane, and I have actually begun to acknowledge my self-worth. People who are mature enough to understand you will see through your highest potential.
Just like admiration, being critical is also very crucial. There are few things that you may not like in your partner such as self-obsession. Somebody having this trait would annoy his/her surroundings by their consistent sense of entitlement. This is often there without their conscious realization. If you are partner with such personality, let them know that this behavior needs to change, or at least minimized. If they are considerate enough, they would be keen to work on that. Else, it would create unnecessary fights, especially if you are not fond of being center of attention.
Help them evolve, encourage each other
Encouragement works wonders. If a person sees something in their partner that went unnoticed by others for years, they can address that and let them do something about it. For instance, if your spouse is a good writer, you can foster them to use those skills professionally, such as writing blogs or perhaps, novels. This will help them achieve great heights and (s)he will remember you for that. Further, it will toughen your terms.
The downside is, sometimes only one person encourages another, and the other person doesn’t do to their counterpart. It has to be a joint effort to ensure lasting impact and guarantee of the sustenance. Else, it would destroy soon enough.
Don’t nag or whine frequently
The habit of nagging and whining strangles the other party if made frequently. It can be the case that you are not over your former boyfriend or girlfriend, or you have complicated terms with your parents or siblings. Yet you should know when is the right time to start a new association with somebody. Do NOT push yourself into a relationship just for the sake of rebound, else it would just bring you and your mate never-deserving grievance. If you are already into it, it would be a better idea to work on your internal issues.
Be honest but polite about what bothers you
Honesty is the best policy, quite indeed! Being straightforward can lead you into trouble if you appear to be harsh. There are ways to convey your wants and needs into more polite way. My take is, ignoring conflicts isn’t a good idea since it would cost you even more if you internalize something and show passive-aggressiveness later. So, better communicate!
Work on your possessiveness and trust issues
The foundation of building a lasting relationship is to trust each other. It goes both ways as in – you trust your spouse and (s)he is responsibly taking the right kind of decision, such as not cheating on you, and vice versa. In other words, both people need to trust each other and have the equal responsibility to maintain that reliance.
If you are too possessive, and due to that, your mate is having second thoughts, better to work on your insecurities. This is because you won’t be able to continue healthy terms with ANYONE romantically, quite literally! Understand that people don’t want to be in constant radar, and such behavior will suffocate them substantially.
Yes, there are incidences of cheating partners, yet everyone is different. Just because somebody had let you down in the past does not imply that everyone else would do the same. I have seen people over-reacting on negligible matters such as hitting the Like button on someone’s profile picture on Facebook or texting someone else of opposite gender who is just a friend or a colleague. One should only be concerned if the other party is going too far such as texting or calling someone else for hours.
Do NOT assume what’s on their mind
People have this weird habit to make assumptions which eventually leads to suffering. If your partner isn’t talking to you for the last couple of days, do not assume that (s)he has stopped taking interest. It can be because (s)he extremely fatigued due to busy schedule. Just ask them to know the detail. If they refuse to say, talk some other day to know exactly what has been bothering them. Sometimes people are too tired that they do not even want to speak. Some people take longer time to open up and show subtle signals. You need to just assure them that you are with them, no matter what.
Do not avoid to talk about conflicts, apologize if needed
Even the most successful relationships have arguments. This is a sign of healthy bonding. Couples who have good communication skills also talk about those quarrels later to think rationally. This helps them to learn more about each other and grow over the course of time. A lot of people, and I mean A LOT of them actually do not want to confront each other on sensitive subjects, hoping that it would be resolved by itself, but that’s not the case. It resurfaces in other forms months or years later.
For instance, if a woman has been angry on her husband for days due to some reasons and is internalizing it then she may get mad on other trivial matters. This would lead to be misunderstood by her other family members who would most probably label her as being “moody”.
Additionally, apologies are also important. If you think that you committed a mistake, please say sorry to your partner and mean it. Once you apologize, pledge not to repeat the same action again. This is applicable regardless of one’s gender. A lot of people keep a burden of amplified ego which prevents their connection to healthily grow.
Privacy and me time activities
Everyone wants privacy for a short while. If a person takes a break and isn’t around his or her spouse, it does not mean that they are no longer interested. It simply means that they want to be away to recharge themselves. Once they are away, they return back being mentally more sound. I believe that one should indulge into activities that are meant solely for themselves. This “me” time can be spent in doing artwork or music, and so on. Their partner can also do similar things separately.
The Flip Side
No matter how one tries their best to preserve their romance, their partner may not reciprocate in the same manner, which gradually leads to turmoil. As said earlier that both parties need to make joint efforts, absence of which would make their life a living hell.
There are also incidences of toxic partners whose primary goal is just to psychologically abuse and drain everyone in their surroundings, and that also includes their family members and those who genuinely love them. If you are unlucky to have found such sadistic person, leave them right away. They may sound that they are going to change, but believe me, it’s not gonna happen!
Another issue is that of social anxiety. Some people want to date and get married, and at the same time, also fear facing people around to the point of avoidance. They also do not have a voice to speak up against unacceptable actions and things that bothers them. A person naturally wants to introduce his or her partner to their friends and parents if they want to take their dating to the next level, but get disappointment instead. This can bring relationship chaos to the involved people because one requires to work harder to evolve and their partner is not willing to keep patience.
If you are socially anxious yourself then you should work harder to improvise, regardless of your current relationship status. If your partner has it, motivate him/her to progress. Being patient is fruitful if everything falls into place correctly.
This is one of the wisest advice I would like to give because before one loves another, they should love themselves first. If that is not there, an individual can lose their self-respect and self-esteem with time without realization as they are codependent. If the right kind of lover is not there, this can also take a serious toll in their life. Therefore, loving oneself is equally necessary as is loving another human being. There are people who learn this the hard way by first encountering abusive partners and then recognizing after the split.
Last but not the least, there is no fixed formula for getting into one fairy-tale relationship. The only thing that matters is, one’s attitude to learning. If you repeat the same kind of mistake over and over again then you are going to fail each time, and vice versa.
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