Divorce – How to cope up with and reconcile?
Getting divorce isn’t easy. It requires lots of patience to deal with everything, especially if you are a middle aged woman and/or have the responsibility of raising kids (as well). The pain is so devastating that a person has no clue of what’s to be done next. They are emotionally shattered and smashed, and without seeking external help they may take wrong steps such as doing drugs or even worse, suicides.
On the day of marriage, no one hopes for anything that would go wrong; and a legal separation is a nightmare for everyone, including your family and kids (if you have any). Moreover, being judged by the society is surprising but an expected reaction after some time. This therefore results in having harder time moving on. There are a lot of questions that poke a woman every now and then – “What about the finances?”, “How will I raise kids all by myself?”, “Will I be all alone for the rest of my life?”, “Is finding a soulmate a fairytale?”, “What went wrong?”, “What was my fault?”etc. etc.
It is quite evident that the divorce rates are increasing with time all around the world due to numerous reasons but it isn’t fair to blame yourself because such and such things happened that were out of your control. Both the parties get married with the hope of happy ending but certain situation leads to unexpected surprises. This doesn’t mean that only you were at fault and your partner always wanted to get separated. Let’s face it, getting into each other and not feeling a bit of sentiment at all is a mutual thing. If your partner doesn’t love you, you will know it. Many women consume several years for the sake of their children and continue compromising, with the hope that it might help to re-establish the spark, but it never so happens. It isn’t easy for the child either to accept that his/her parents are divorced now. He/she has to handle the people around as well. Thinking about ‘better late than never’ most divorced women who have went through it all and coped up with time told that it was the wisest decision ever made by them.
It is possible to move on if you don’t dwell on your misfortune and it will be for the best. At first it will seem as if that is a never ending loop of misery but your positive attitude will lead you towards a better personality that was hidden since years. Give yourself some time to heal and you will notice it wasn’t that hard once it passes. You will grow stronger and an improved version of self you never thought you would be!
1. Cry – If you are recently divorced you will want to have an alone time for a number of days in which you would like to do whatever you think you require that time. If you feel like crying as hell, do it! Cleanse your soul and allow it to take out every frustration it ever had for months or years. Scientifically crying helps a lot in minimizing the extreme stress levels. If you don’t cry, you will load your heart with lots of worries, anger, hate and grudges. As the days pass you will feel better and you will notice that crying is not that frequent.
2. Check your finances – What kind of woman you want to be? The one who was once dependent on her husband and now on parents? Or the one who stands on her own feet and gets capable to accomplish almost every task that she herself couldn’t imagine? If you were always a working woman, then it’s fine. You will just need to focus on your work and future career. But if you weren’t working for so many years, you will now require that. May be you are not that much educated or do not remember anything practically that you studied during your graduation but there are other fields in which you may have a fresh start. You may go for a receptionist, or a sales worker, a data entry or computer operator, whichever you think you may do for now to earn your living. If you think you have some special skills for drawing, tailoring, dancing, sports, be the coach and guide those who willingly want to learn the same. You may also start a home tuition. If you also have kids, your expenditure would rise and you might need to work all day doing two or more different jobs. The major advantage of this will be that you will always be occupied and find less time in thinking anything destructive. You may also get some part of the income of your husband but make sure that that is not the only source for you and your children’s living.
3. Meditate – Give at least 5 minutes to yourself for meditating, preferably in the morning, in order to improve focus on work and establish a positive attitude towards life. Meditation does wonders if someone wants a healthy and peaceful life. Daily stress will come as usual but meditating will help in dealing them all with enough confidence. Always remember that the doors of opportunities never remain closed and anything that happens now will not remain with you forever. Your kids will grow with time and will earn by themselves. As for people, they will forget after consuming their time for gossips and will become busy in their own world.
4. Join some hobby classes – Previously you might have stopped doing such activities in which you were interested because your ex-husband didn’t like it. Now it’s time for starting that again, be it dancing, hitting the gym, cycling, arts and crafts, you name it!
5. Stay connected with close friends and family members – The close friends and the family won’t be judging you at any cost, no matter what circumstances you go through. You will need to talk with them at times when you feel extremely moody and depressed. Talking helps a lot since women simply need someone to listen to, even if they don’t get any suggestions. If you think nobody understands you, check with your internet where numerous experienced divorced people who have moved on in their life will suggest so many alternatives since they know what works best. You may also visit a psychiatrist for professional help.
6. Move to a different place – If you still live in that house that you used to share with somebody, certain moments would come in your mind, both happy and sad, that might hold you from recovering. If that particular house doesn’t belong to yours and is rental, move to a different locality and, if possible, a new city for a fresh start.
7. Travel alone – Traveling alone in this context refers to being all alone, not even with the kids. It is a great experience and helps a person in connecting with him/herself. It resolves mental turmoil and hence a person is able to think what actually he/she wants.
Avoid getting into new relationships too soon. People might seem interested in you at first but probably they wouldn’t be agreeing to be with you like forever that you always wish. Failed relationships aren’t good for one’s own health and no one wants that in continuation. Rebound affairs are done to forget the past relationship but unless you actually move on and are ready to start a new, it’s best to avoid it much as possible. Also do not hold grudges or plan for something impractical like taking revenge. Your ex-husband might have left you because he saw somebody else when you were busy doing household chores and raising kids. This doesn’t imply that any of you were at fault. Everyone sets some kind of priority with time. He might have thought that you were not ‘the one’, which is certainly true because there is nothing left between you both. The feeling is mutual and if it doesn’t work then it is time to separate. Stretching wedlock for years with the wrong one isn’t a good choice. So, be a mature woman and do what works best. Tiral-and-error is the key to success. Who knows later you would be the one who helps other women to cope up with difficult situations!